The next one is about how George Michael, despite having gone platinum more times than most jewelers, is still criminally underrated as an artist.
I don't think you'd get too much argument if you said Michael Jackson was the best male pop star of his era, if not ever, and that Freddie Mercury was the best rock frontman of his era, if not ever. I don't think Michael Jackson could have been Freddie Mercury, and I don't think Freddie Mercury could have been Michael Jackson, but I do think George Michael gets you about 90-95 percent of the way to either one.
And I do not care if you think that's nuts, because I love George Michael. Time has not been kind to him, because his hair and that enormous Barry Bonds earring date his image a little. To say nothing of how silly Wham! was, or that people tend not to take men seriously when they're that pretty.
Though let's be honest--George Michael lost his pop culture mojo in the Public Restroom Cruising Incident of 1996, which we really ought to take a long look at ourselves for laughing at, because can you imagine being in the closet in the late 1980s? Particularly for someone who was an international sex symbol, and who was at the same time completely over-the-top masculine and completely not? I think we ought to cut the dude some slack.
Anyway, if you don't think George Michael could've been an A- version of Freddie Mercury, get a load of this shit.
It's magnificent. There's no other word for it. Queen had the entire musical world to call on for this tribute concert, and not only did they get George Michael for the finale, he knocked that motherfucker out of the park.
But on to "One More Try." This song is a classic, inspiring cover versions by the likes of Mariah Carey and Iron and Wine, both of which, while great themselves, are manifestly inferior to the original. Yes, I said someone out-balladed Mariah Carey. That's how great this song is. All of this even though, as Wikipedia says hilariously, "its radio airplay tends to be restricted to specific 'Love Songs'-esque features because of both the tempo and the length." Because this song takes forever.
In fact, let's go through the "One More Try," music video from front to back.
0:00: Nice, mellow instrumental. It's just one man in 3/4, alone with his organ. Good to slow-dance
0:36: He got through two lines before going for the high note. The biggest mistake you can make in a ballad is going too big too soon, and that's about as big as most people can go. But George Michael is not most people.
0:54: I love that chromatic rise in the key change on "I think it's time / that you let me know." And he's already winding up for the big entrance to the chorus. This sounds like a fire truck, driven by a werewolf that's just watched The Fault in Our Stars, rounding a hairpin turn on two wheels.
1:02: I love that this is a shit-or-get-off-the-pot song. How do you put this much emotional capital into the "Well, we've been together 6 months; where's this whole business going?" conversation? I don't think I'd be like this if someone died.
1:14: YES! YES! YES!
1:38: "Hold you, touch YOOOOOOOOOOOO!" This is what we all came to the ballpark for. It's like seeing the shark in Jaws.
1:48: Great ABBA rhyme scheme to end the chorus.
2:20: How can you not feel the danger and/or the heat? If you cannot feel the danger and/or the heat, you are dead inside and you should give your soul to someone who's going to use it.
2:36: Remember how I said you shouldn't go too big too early? This is like Jordan dunking from the foul line, then doing it again on an 11-foot rim. This is unfair. Mariah Fucking Carey bailed on a couple of the high notes here. GODDAMN.
2:47: George Michael has great teeth.
2:52: FOR GOD'S SAKE LET HIM GO.
2:57: I feel him on this. There are some things that you really don't want to learn, but while you can absolutely identify the things you'd rather not know after you know them, it takes a powerful fear and/or certainty to overcome the natural human urge to curiosity. Fuck, this song is great.
3:13: It's worth noting that once the original instrumental backing is laid down, it does not change substantially in form, composition or dynamics until the song is over. "One More Try" has phenomenal emotional and dynamic contrast, and it is all the result of one dude singing completely alone. This isn't an instrumental component so much as it is a blank canvas on which one tortured genius is left to paint his masterpiece.
3:21: "Hold you, touch YOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
3:26: (sighs)
3:50: First prolonged instrumental break since the intro. You'd think that a six-minute song would have a lot of filler, but "One More Try" does not. There is no fucking around in this song; it is just extremely slow.
4:10: Nice drapes. Whoever did the furnishings for the castle in "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" must've done this house too. I wonder if a surplus of power ballads at any given moment means more work for interior decorators.
4:25: I'd wear blazers more often if I could pull off that little melodramatic spin move.
4:33: Nobody's that strong, George.
4:40: Somehow this song's been at 11 for three minutes and George Michael still has another gear to go to.
4:51: I do not have my pride. I am a sobbing mess and I do not know the whereabouts of at least one of my shoes.
5:03: "Hold you..." Except this time he does a little glissando on "hold," which: SWOON.
5:04: "...touch YOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
5:10: (pumps fist)
5:20: (puts fists through ceiling)
5:29: Me too, George.
That was magnificent. There is nothing moderate or ironic or measured about this song. It is the stone cold truth, friends. We should all be so fortunate to feel in the manner in which George Michael feels.
But on to "One More Try." This song is a classic, inspiring cover versions by the likes of Mariah Carey and Iron and Wine, both of which, while great themselves, are manifestly inferior to the original. Yes, I said someone out-balladed Mariah Carey. That's how great this song is. All of this even though, as Wikipedia says hilariously, "its radio airplay tends to be restricted to specific 'Love Songs'-esque features because of both the tempo and the length." Because this song takes forever.
In fact, let's go through the "One More Try," music video from front to back.
0:00: Nice, mellow instrumental. It's just one man in 3/4, alone with his organ. Good to slow-dance
0:36: He got through two lines before going for the high note. The biggest mistake you can make in a ballad is going too big too soon, and that's about as big as most people can go. But George Michael is not most people.
0:54: I love that chromatic rise in the key change on "I think it's time / that you let me know." And he's already winding up for the big entrance to the chorus. This sounds like a fire truck, driven by a werewolf that's just watched The Fault in Our Stars, rounding a hairpin turn on two wheels.
1:02: I love that this is a shit-or-get-off-the-pot song. How do you put this much emotional capital into the "Well, we've been together 6 months; where's this whole business going?" conversation? I don't think I'd be like this if someone died.
1:14: YES! YES! YES!
1:38: "Hold you, touch YOOOOOOOOOOOO!" This is what we all came to the ballpark for. It's like seeing the shark in Jaws.
1:48: Great ABBA rhyme scheme to end the chorus.
2:20: How can you not feel the danger and/or the heat? If you cannot feel the danger and/or the heat, you are dead inside and you should give your soul to someone who's going to use it.
2:36: Remember how I said you shouldn't go too big too early? This is like Jordan dunking from the foul line, then doing it again on an 11-foot rim. This is unfair. Mariah Fucking Carey bailed on a couple of the high notes here. GODDAMN.
2:47: George Michael has great teeth.
2:52: FOR GOD'S SAKE LET HIM GO.
2:57: I feel him on this. There are some things that you really don't want to learn, but while you can absolutely identify the things you'd rather not know after you know them, it takes a powerful fear and/or certainty to overcome the natural human urge to curiosity. Fuck, this song is great.
3:13: It's worth noting that once the original instrumental backing is laid down, it does not change substantially in form, composition or dynamics until the song is over. "One More Try" has phenomenal emotional and dynamic contrast, and it is all the result of one dude singing completely alone. This isn't an instrumental component so much as it is a blank canvas on which one tortured genius is left to paint his masterpiece.
3:21: "Hold you, touch YOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
3:26: (sighs)
3:50: First prolonged instrumental break since the intro. You'd think that a six-minute song would have a lot of filler, but "One More Try" does not. There is no fucking around in this song; it is just extremely slow.
4:10: Nice drapes. Whoever did the furnishings for the castle in "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" must've done this house too. I wonder if a surplus of power ballads at any given moment means more work for interior decorators.
4:25: I'd wear blazers more often if I could pull off that little melodramatic spin move.
4:33: Nobody's that strong, George.
4:40: Somehow this song's been at 11 for three minutes and George Michael still has another gear to go to.
4:51: I do not have my pride. I am a sobbing mess and I do not know the whereabouts of at least one of my shoes.
5:03: "Hold you..." Except this time he does a little glissando on "hold," which: SWOON.
5:04: "...touch YOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
5:10: (pumps fist)
5:20: (puts fists through ceiling)
5:29: Me too, George.
That was magnificent. There is nothing moderate or ironic or measured about this song. It is the stone cold truth, friends. We should all be so fortunate to feel in the manner in which George Michael feels.
